_______ duck.

I'm in a much better mood! I've just rentrée'd from shopping in Paris this weekend where it was wet, rainy, and full of griping Parisians (who are renowned for a reason) but beautiful and breathtaking. I'm currently sitting at home in my adorable, cozy Rouen apartment, getting ready to read and plan for the future all day until I feel like doing otherwise because I'm giving exams all week and therefore don't have to do last minute lesson plans. Life is boooooooon.

Dec. 2, 2011

Once again another year is passing by incredibly quick. A year ago I was in Vernon, fighting seasonal Christmas-away-from-home depression and jam. A year before that I was fighting seasonal Christmas-at-home depression and bitter pedestrians in Beverly Hills. I'm happy this year. I'm anxious and worried about next year (3 months from now, 9 months from now, a year from now) and restless but I think that's normal at the end of a semester. My first semester teaching! I'm sure I'll have more important, profound (wordy) insights to share after Christmas vacation at home but all I have lately are worryings about the future and what I should be doing. I wonder if I should be home because any one of my loved ones could disappear from this world in the next moment and I will have spent our last few opportunities to be together on the other side of the world. I wonder if I should go home to help my family transition to the next chapter in our lives come August 2012. I wonder if I should be home to rejoice in all the wonderful day to day moments or once in a lifetime moments like my friends' weddings. And then I think about how this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to live in France and observe from within the world I dreamed about for so long. What if I end up 28, with no discernible useable resume because I realize I don't want to teach?? (Dear God let me love more and fear less)

School is good and it's actually improving my French, while I'm teaching English. I have to comprehend what my lazy French students say when they don't want to try and speak English. I definitely consider myself a bit lazy in my French conversation classes that I had in college so I hope I'm not coming off too harsh on them, but we're learning from each other. Otherwise I have an uber smart class of high school students who are prepping for all their SAT-type college entrance exams at the end of this year, and they are dependent on me to actually improve their levels of English, which is terrifying. I don't know if I'm doing a very good job. My American fundamental ideas of teachers and students are kind of clashing with the French system in terms of punishment, homework, and general teacher-student relationships. I caught some students cheating and asked someone what I should do about it and she suggested I just not count the grades. Not give them a zero, but actually not count them - to let it go. My initial reaction wasn't to spit them and roast them by any means, but I figured at least give them a 0 on my silly 5 point pop quiz that they chose to cheat on (poorly - the two styles of handwriting were beyond different and the white out was evident on the page). Instead I was borderline accused of trying to deliberately entrap them into cheating by giving them a pop quiz after they were goofing off. I get the feeling this is the pet class of the department and there's more politics involved than I'm aware of - like their level of success will reflect on the department. Meh. Joke's on you guys cuz I don't know what I'm doing! Ma HAaaaaa!

Hopefully I figure it (all) out before May. Or February. Really January 1st would be preferable. March: Marrakesh with my wonderful boyfriend. May: the Mediterranean island of Malta. New Year's Resolution: Lose 10 stone. Learn better French. Love everyone and everything more.