Once again another year is passing by incredibly quick. A year ago I was in Vernon, fighting seasonal Christmas-away-from-home depression and jam. A year before that I was fighting seasonal Christmas-at-home depression and bitter pedestrians in Beverly Hills. I'm happy this year. I'm anxious and worried about next year (3 months from now, 9 months from now, a year from now) and restless but I think that's normal at the end of a semester. My first semester teaching! I'm sure I'll have more important, profound (wordy) insights to share after Christmas vacation at home but all I have lately are worryings about the future and what I should be doing. I wonder if I should be home because any one of my loved ones could disappear from this world in the next moment and I will have spent our last few opportunities to be together on the other side of the world. I wonder if I should go home to help my family transition to the next chapter in our lives come August 2012. I wonder if I should be home to rejoice in all the wonderful day to day moments or once in a lifetime moments like my friends' weddings. And then I think about how this is a once in a lifetime opportunity to live in France and observe from within the world I dreamed about for so long. What if I end up 28, with no discernible useable resume because I realize I don't want to teach?? (Dear God let me love more and fear less)
School is good and it's actually improving my French, while I'm teaching English. I have to comprehend what my lazy French students say when they don't want to try and speak English. I definitely consider myself a bit lazy in my French conversation classes that I had in college so I hope I'm not coming off too harsh on them, but we're learning from each other. Otherwise I have an uber smart class of high school students who are prepping for all their SAT-type college entrance exams at the end of this year, and they are dependent on me to actually improve their levels of English, which is terrifying. I don't know if I'm doing a very good job. My American fundamental ideas of teachers and students are kind of clashing with the French system in terms of punishment, homework, and general teacher-student relationships. I caught some students cheating and asked someone what I should do about it and she suggested I just not count the grades. Not give them a zero, but actually not count them - to let it go. My initial reaction wasn't to spit them and roast them by any means, but I figured at least give them a 0 on my silly 5 point pop quiz that they chose to cheat on (poorly - the two styles of handwriting were beyond different and the white out was evident on the page). Instead I was borderline accused of trying to deliberately entrap them into cheating by giving them a pop quiz after they were goofing off. I get the feeling this is the pet class of the department and there's more politics involved than I'm aware of - like their level of success will reflect on the department. Meh. Joke's on you guys cuz I don't know what I'm doing! Ma HAaaaaa!
Hopefully I figure it (all) out before May. Or February. Really January 1st would be preferable. March: Marrakesh with my wonderful boyfriend. May: the Mediterranean island of Malta. New Year's Resolution: Lose 10 stone. Learn better French. Love everyone and everything more.
