After a charming dinner at the Italian restaurant El Teatro which featured salsa dancing lessons but no theatre, several English professors and language assistants went back to someone's house around the corner for after dinner drinks. We got to talking about swear words and phrases in our respective languages (French, English, German, Spanish all being repped) and I thought it time to reveal my last resort swear word phrase of damnnation to be used only in cases of extreme disrespect: Je me fais chuir. A lovely French woman I met in Santa Monica taught me this phrase among others before I left home and loosely translated it means you make me so angry that I shit myself.
I paused for reaction. All three French women were staring at me, mouths agape. Was it really that blasphemous? Did they not think I had such extensive knowledge of their language? One of the professors asked, "Do you know what you just said?"
Always a bad sign. "You make me so angry that I shit myself?"
"That would be 'je me fais chier'. You said 'je me fais jouir'. 'I'm coming'."
The entire room doubled over in hysterics. I LITERALLY SAID I'M CLIMAXING in a room full of virtual strangers, thinking I was uttering this intense, menacing equivalent of "Fuck off, shithead!" Once my absolute horror wore off the tears of shock and awe gave way to a fit of giggles that continued well on into the evening. Especially when I remembered that dirty jokes are a national pastime for the French and the professors began taking turns telling their favorites about Pierre's "baguette".
